ARRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrr!

Happy "Talk like a Pirate" day!

 

That would be me job on a stranded isle if i parlayed like that the day through

Arrrrrrrr matey

 

What did the pirate say on the occasion of his 80th birthday?

Aye' matey.

 

Ok lets get the old pirate jokes going

why are pirates called pirates?

because they Arrrrrrrr

 

What's a pirate's favorite fast food?

ARRRRRby's.


What do you call an impotent pirate?

A salt with a dead weapon.

 

Why did the pirate give up golf?
He kept hooking the ball!

Why did the pirate have red eyes?
Because he had too much sea-weed!

 

Eye-Eye Matey

 

A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"

"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."

The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."

"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."

"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."

"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."

"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye."

"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird ********!"

"Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."

 

Avast, ye vile bilge rats!

 

You know that if you pull your arm up into your sleeve, the dough attachment for a kitchenaid mixer makes an absolutely DANDY hook!

 

If you go to Krispy Kreme and talk like a pirate, they'll give you a free donut. If you're dressed like one too, you get a whole dozen!

They even have a parrot you can print out and put on your shoulder: http://www.krispykreme.com/pirate

 

I have totally never done that before. nope. not even sure why I took the time to mention it, since there was no reason for you to already be thinking that.

 

Donuts are the perfect food to eat when you're wearing your kitchenaid hook. Just hang those puppies on there and gnaw away.

 

But don't forget to eat from the bottom up.

 

What is a pirate's favorite place to shop for clothes?

Old Navy

 

What do pirates do in the evenings?

Your mothAAAHHHRRRRR!

 

Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants.

Bartender says: do you know there is a steering wheel sticking out of your pants?

Pirate: AAARRGGH!! It's drivin' me nuts!

 

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

Spoiler

ya think it's the Rrrrrr but it's the Cccccc
hmm works better in person cause everyone usually says "Rrrr"
anyway.

 

What does a Dyslexic Pirate Say?
RRAAAAAAAAAAA!

Where did the one legged pirate go for breakfast?
IHOP